Looking for blood-curdling laughs? 🧛
Whether you’re a Halloween fanatic, a Twilight superfan, or just love a good groan-worthy joke, vampire puns never get old (or should I say, immortal?).
These bite-sized one-liners are perfect for spicing up parties, captions, or just giving your coffin a little giggle.
Get ready to laugh until you’re coffin up tears—because these puns are fang-tastic!
1. Vampire Jokes That Never Suck
- Vampires make terrible baristas… they always go for de-coffin-ated.
- I’m fang-tired, but I’ll bite through it.
- Dracula opened a bakery—his best seller is scream cheese bagels.
- Vampires don’t need GPS… they always follow their neck-stincts.
- You can count on Dracula—he’s always number one!
- Why did the vampire break up? His love life was a real pain in the neck.
- Vampires hate selfies—no reflection, no likes.
- A vampire’s favorite sport? Bat-minton.
- Don’t cross vampires… they can be vein.
- My vampire boss is exhausting—he keeps draining me.
- Vampires don’t get wrinkles… they just keep fang-tastic skin.
- I asked a vampire if he was hungry—he said he could eat a neck-or-two.
- Vampires never get sick—they just coffin a little.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite meal? Stake and potatoes.
- Vampires hate fast food—it runs too much.
2. Halloween Vampire Puns
- Trick or treat yourself to a little bite.
- Have a fang-tastic Halloween!
- Resting witch face? More like resting vamp face.
- This costume is love at first bite.
- I’m here for the boos… and the blood.
- If you’ve got it, haunt it.
- Just winging this vampire look.
- Ready to raise the stakes this Halloween.
- This party is un-boo-lievably good.
- Keep calm and carry a wooden stake.
- Looking sharp… literally.
- No tricks, just treats… and a little bite.
- I vant to drink your punch.
- Bat to the bone.
- Count me in for the candy.
3. Vampire Puns for Instagram Captions
- Blood you be mine?
- Feeling fang-cy tonight.
- Keep your standards high and your collar higher.
- Slaying this vamp look.
- Neck-level chic.
- Forever young, forever fang.
- Shade so dark, even sunlight can’t find me.
- Eternal mood: bite me.
- Un-dead but still on fleek.
- Vamp life chose me.
- Can’t stake my eyes off this fit.
- Night owl energy.
- Drop-dead gorgeous.
- Looking boo-tiful, blood-thirsty, and bold.
- Bat’s all, folks.
4. Romantic Vampire Puns
- You make my heart skip a bat.
- Love at first bite.
- I only have veins for you.
- You’re my necks big thing.
- Our love is eternal… like my undead life.
- You’ve got me coffin up feelings.
- Stake me if I’m lying… I adore you.
- You give me chills and thrills.
- You’re drop-dead gorgeous.
- Love is in the blood.
- You’re sweeter than Type O.
- No garlic could keep me away.
- You put the fang in fantastic.
- We’re coffin mates forever.
- Blood be mine, Valentine.
5. Vampire Bat Puns
- Just hanging around.
- Feeling bat-tastic!
- No ifs, ands, or bats.
- Having a bat-itude today.
- Bats all, folks!
- Bat to the future.
- Wing it like a pro.
- Bat-ter up!
- Bat-ch me if you can.
- Going batty for you.
- Home is where you hang.
- Bat’s how I roll.
- Bat-er luck next time.
- Just bat-ing an eye.
- Bat and boujee.
6. Vampire Work & School Puns
- My boss is such a pain in the neck.
- Deadlines are draining me.
- I’m undead-tedly overworked.
- This project is a real stake in the heart.
- I’m coffin up excuses.
- My career is in the graveyard shift.
- Trying to rise and shine… more like rise and whine.
- Study till you drop-dead tired.
- Teachers are real bloodhounds for homework.
- Can’t quit… I’m in too vein.
- Group projects? A horror story.
- My GPA is six feet under.
- Class is eternal, just like me.
- Work bites. Literally.
- Fang you for this assignment.
7. Vampire Food & Drink Puns
- Bloody Mary, hold the garlic.
- I only eat rare steak… very rare.
- I’m on a liquid diet—plasma preferred.
- Fangs but no fangs to fast food.
- Dracula’s favorite fruit? Blood orange.
- A bite to eat, literally.
- Coffin up some coffee, please.
- Thirsty for a little red.
- Garlic bread? You must stake me for a fool.
- Red velvet is my guilty pleasure.
- Blood pudding is to die for.
- Soup-ernatural cravings.
- Toast to eternal life.
- Dining in the dark.
- Fang and chips, please.
8. Famous Vampire Pop Culture Puns
- Bat Damon.
- Count Chocula’s cheat day.
- Vlad Pitt, starring in Interview with a Vampire.
- Bella Lugosi, not Bella Swan.
- Nos-feratu got milk?
- Bitey Cyrus.
- Count Von Count… numbers never lie.
- Vlad Sheeran singing “Shape of Blood.”
- Twilight: 50 Shades of Fang.
- Suck Efron.
- Drac and Morty.
- Lady Gag-a-bite.
- True Blood? More like True Snack.
- Buffy the Wooden Stake Slayer.
- Neckflix and chill.
Conclusion: Fangs for the Laughs!
There you have it—over a hundred fang-tastic vampire puns to brighten your day (or night 🌙).
Whether you’re haunting Instagram captions, cracking Halloween jokes, or just want to slay your group chat, these undead one-liners guarantee a smile.
Remember: life’s too short not to laugh at silly puns… especially when they’re immortal.
Nikki Jorton is a Norwegian-born transgender woman and content creator who became publicly known through her relationship and marriage to American comedian and radio personality Jim Norton. The two met online and developed a long-distance relationship that faced significant immigration and legal challenges before Nikki was able to move to the United States. Their journey, marked by persistence and openness, attracted media attention for its honesty and unconventional nature. The couple married in October 2023 and now live together in New York City.
